On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
