my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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