I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
