if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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