I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize