The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
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Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
What a dumb baby whore.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
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And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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