I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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