There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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