dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
