Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
