guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
