I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
