Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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