So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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