"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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