He is an equal opportunity slut.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
