I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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