PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
