he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
