Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
