i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
