The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize