you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
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He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
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She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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