Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize