Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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