I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Randomize
