I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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