Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
