I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
