Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
