Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
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I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
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I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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