i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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