If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
