so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
