were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
