dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
