I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
