After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
