my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
