did you get engaged???
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
