i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
