If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
