Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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