Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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