i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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