As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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