I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
This toilet bowl is my home.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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