Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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