im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
