so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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