i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
