Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
