I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
operation harelip BJ is a go
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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