Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
you are never too drunk for berry picking
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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