I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
