I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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