My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Randomize
