my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i've created a new STD.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
