Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
