I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
