5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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