I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
