just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
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I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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