Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So much rum. So many feels.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
