Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
3 2 1 whiskey
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
