Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
