he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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