I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
