So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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