i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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