She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
