if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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