Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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