so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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